In this series, the Andersen Law PC blog is spelling out the 12 steps of divorce one month at a time. The intent is to walk you through the process one simple step at a time. This month, we cover Step 9 of Divorce: Mediation.
(To see the process in a more personalized, real world context, follow the blogs on the Aingel and DeVille families. The Aingels relatively soaring through the process while the DeVilles crash and burn.)
To discuss your specific situation, call us at 720-922-3880 or email beth@andersenlawpc.com. We are happy to walk you through your own next steps and to answer questions in your complimentary initial phone or videoconference consult.
Here are the 12 steps of divorce we’ll walk through:
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- serving and filing a petition for divorce
- responding to the petition
- sworn financial statement, disclosures, and parenting classes
- initial status conference
- discovery and depositions
- professionals: CFI, PRE, vocational evaluator, appraisals
- motions to compel and telephone conferences
- temporary orders hearing
- mediation
- parenting plans and separation agreements
- witnesses, pretrial deadlines and permanent orders
- QDROs and other post decree issues
Step 9: Mediation
If your divorce is uncontested, you can benefit by settling the case through mediation instead of traditional litigation. Going this route is often less adversarial and more cost-effective than a trial. Trials can lead to you and your former spouse attacking each other, running up fees and hurting any future relationship whereas mediation often avoids the bad blood by giving both parties the chance to cooperate and have more of a say in the outcome.
What You Need to Know About Mediation
Mediation is a confidential, problem-solving meeting where a neutral third party (the mediator) helps you and your ex work toward agreements on parenting time, child support, maintenance or spousal support, property and debt division, and other disputed issues. In Colorado, courts generally expect good-faith participation in mediation before a contested hearing proceeds.
- Good faith matters. Showing up, listening, sharing accurate information, making and considering offers, and genuinely trying to resolve issues is required. Walking in and immediately walking out does not meet the standard.
- Mediation is not a trial. Mediation is not a court proceeding; there’s no judge or jury and no rulings. It’s a structured negotiation aimed at settlement.
- Mediation is confidential. Offers, discussions, and mediator notes are confidential and typically inadmissible in court, which encourages candid problem-solving.
- Mediators don’t give legal advice. They facilitate agreement. Your attorney advises you on the law, the likely court outcome, and whether a proposal is fair.
- You can choose the mediator. Look for training, experience, and a style that fits your case. In Colorado, mediation is unregulated meaning anyone can call themselves a mediator, so vet resumes, request references, and confirm rates and policies in advance. The Colorado Judicial Branch offers a list of mediators that meet qualifications set by state’s Office of Dispute Resolution.
How to Prepare for Mediation and What to Expect
Mediation works best when both parties come prepared with facts and a willingness to negotiate.
- Bring the numbers. Accurate, current financials (pay stubs, bank/retirement statements, debt balances) are essential. Many attorneys prepare spreadsheets listing assets, debts, and proposed divisions, including any equalization payment to balance the final allocation.
- Know what factors matter. Colorado is a no-fault divorce state. This means the court generally won’t weigh who caused the divorce, and spending disagreements or lifestyle complaints rarely move the needle, unless they involve parenting or credibility issues or marital waste such as large expenditures on gambling or an affair.
- Know what’s realistic for maintenance and child support. Colorado maintenance guidelines and the Child Support Worksheet often set the guidelines for realistic outcomes. Your attorney can model scenarios so you can evaluate proposals with eyes wide open.
- Mediators may separate the parties. Mediation typically happens in a private office or online. You may start in the same room, then the mediator(s) may caucus, which means separate you and your spouse into different rooms while they go between you. This is up to the mediator and their preferred style for how they operate. It’s common for the mediator to spend longer with the side taking a less realistic position to move negotiations forward.
- Expect a half-day minimum for mediation. Be prepared to pay your share if the session runs long. You may feel the fees adding up, but successful mediation still costs far less than preparing for and attending a contested Permanent Orders hearing (think subpoenas, exhibit books, expert testimony, and significant attorney time). It also usually helps wrap up divorce proceedings wrap up sooner than if you were to wait for the hearing in front of a judge.
Outcomes and the MOU
If you reach agreement on some or all issues, the mediator will typically draft a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) capturing the terms. The MOU can provide the framework for your Separation Agreement and Parenting Plan. Even partial agreements narrow what’s left for court and often accelerate finalization. A hallmark of a fair settlement is that both sides compromise.
Whether you settle everything or just chip away at the hardest items, good-faith mediation can cut costs and put decision-making back in your hands rather than leaving your family’s future to a busy courtroom schedule.
For a free consult on your divorce case and whether mediation is a good path for you, contact Andersen Law PC at 720-922-3880. You can also check out our related blog posts, YouTube videos, and sign up for our monthly newsletter. All of these are chock full of information that can help you navigate divorce and other family law issues.
