Guest Post by Emily Wishall, embodiment coach and certified Rolfer
When it feels like your life, as you currently know it, is falling apart, how can you come back to your conviction and confidence in who you are as a feminine woman? How do you get to rediscover your identity outside of marriage and outside of your family unit?
It is easy and common to subconsciously build your identity and worth as a woman around your marriage, as well as your career, motherhood, and other external circumstances. Perhaps you didn’t even know who you were before these life events and labels were present for you. Yet, who you are is distinctly different and separate from your marriage and immediate family unit. No matter what stage in the divorce process you are in, allowing yourself the space and time to rediscover who you truly are can be a powerful healing practice.
Being clear on who you are, will enable to you experience greater confidence and conviction in yourself in a time that can feel ridiculously hard. When you are clear on your identity separate from all external circumstances, you have a deep sense of self-worth and fortitude.
I invite you to do the following practice to get a bit clearer on who you are beneath the external labels & surface-level emotions. This practice may bring up some uncomfortable emotions. If that’s the case for you, simply allow yourself to feel them and remain in an open state of curiosity. Going through the following practice will enable you to stand firm in your conviction & belief in yourself. It will support you in the difficult transitions that come with divorce as you will have the clarity & recognition of who you are. You will gain greater awareness of when you begin to slip into tying your worth and identity into various external circumstances — specifically your marriage — so that instead of your mind taking the reigns into an unhealthy spiral, you get to come back to yourself with certainty and grace.
Learn what your essence is outside of marriage, your career, motherhood, and any other external circumstances that perhaps you identify yourself around.
Here’s a gentle practice to help get you started. You will need your journal or piece of paper and a pen for this practice.
- Sit with your back straight — on the floor, on a cushion, or on a chair. Close your eyes and simply notice how you feel. Begin to deepen your breath a little, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Let your breath be full and come down into your belly.
- Feel your feet on the floor beneath you. Begin to, little by little, flow your attention into the lower half of your body, rooting and grounding yourself into the present moment.
- Now that you are more relaxed and present, from a state of gentle curiosity (meaning there are no wrong or right answers) begin to ask yourself the following questions. You may simply go through them in your mind or write down your answers if you feel inspired to.
- What is present in your mind?
- What thoughts are circling in?
- What do you notice in your physical body?
- How do you feel emotionally?
- How do you feel about yourself? Your life?
- Take a few moments after going through these questions. Allow yourself to come back to your breath, come back to your body, feel your sits bones on the surface beneath you, feel your feet rooting you into the earth.
- I invite you to now go a bit deeper. Breaking into pieces the question, “Who am I?” For these particular questions, I recommend you write out your responses. Free flow writing is best, so simply write whatever comes to mind with no edits, no judgements, no filters.
- Let go of the “shoulds” of who you think you should be, who society, family, etc. wants you to be.
- Independent of all of that, at your core, who are you? What are your core values? What do you feel crazy to care so strongly about?
- Who are you relative to your inside self and outside self?
- From an internal perspective, who are you, how do you see yourself?
- What you do you show to the outside world?
- Is there overlap and congruency between the two? Or do you put on a mask and show up in ways that are out of alignment with who you truly are? This could be because you are seeking validation, to be liked, or because of parameters around what society, your former spouse, or your family thinks is how you should be.
- When you quiet down your mind and connect into the rich vastness of your body, what do you know to be true?
- After journaling the above, give yourself a few more moments to have your eyes closed, return to your breath, and simply reflect on what came up and what you notice in your body, and express gratitude for any insight you gained.
I recommend that you go through this practice multiple times. One way to incorporate it into your life would be to give yourself at least one uninterrupted hour to do it the first time. From there, schedule one 15-30 minute window each week for the next four weeks when you can go through it again and see if you continue to gain further insight into who you truly are, independent from all external factors.
You are more than enough simply as you are in this moment. I hope this practice supported you in finding a new level of autonomy, presence, and power.
If you are curious to learn more about my work, I invite you to a complimentary 30-minute True You Discovery Call. The women who join my private coaching program, True You, learn how to connect with their body, to find their own unwavering confidence and well-being so that they can show up in their lives as their authentic self. If you feel trapped internally, if you are putting on a smile externally, but internally are full of self-doubt and fear, I would be honored to hold your hand and allow you to come back to the True You. In the call, we will get clear on where your biggest block is at the moment. You will leave the call with greater clarity, feeling centered and calm. I will share the No. 1 practice that’s specific to you to help you in reclaiming your confidence and power as you go through the divorce transition. If you would like to get on my schedule, click here to do so.
I hope this practice served you and that you come back home, to yourself and to the present moment, so that you can be more present to your family, to your own needs, and to creating the new life that you desire.
About Emily Wishall
Emily is an embodiment coach and certified Rolfer who is passionate about helping women who feel insecure in their bodies, are holding onto extra weight, or are experiencing physical and/or emotional pain make the impact and the influence they desire. Through her own journey of being overweight, ashamed, tired, and unhappy to experiencing joy, vibrant energy, connection, and weight loss, Emily is able to inspire her clients to action. Through her signature process that includes the use of Rolfing Structural Integration, coaching, and Art of Feminine Presence work, Emily guides her clients to feel more confident, energized, and at home their bodies. Learn more at www.WishallWellness.com.
